Real

I am being real.

Really, really real.

I am exhausted. I feel like I'm constantly failing my job as a Mom/Wife.
I feel like I'm not as gracious or grateful as I should be at work.

I feel like I'm always 3 steps away from tears falling.

I feel like I'm letting someone down. Always. Often God. A lot of times me too.

I feel the need to make excuses for my messy and dirty house. The excuses often involve lies.

I feel frustrated when my husband wants a little "us" time......it's one more thing I'm expected to do and I'm already behind in 90% of what is expected of me.

I feel resentful that no one else in my house (i.e., my husband) is doing all that much to clean, pick up, take care of bills, errands and am left scratching my head at how it became all my responsibility and why I continue to allow it to be and why I harbor such guilt about NOT getting it done.

I feel like a hypocrite because I'm not taking the time I desperately need to pray, give thanks, accept things with grace or work on my relationship with God.

I am short-tempered, impatient, allowing words to leave my mouth without thinking.

I feel fat even though I've lost almost 40 lbs this year. I know that's my self esteem showing.

I miss my friends and just hanging out with them when I was a SAHM.

I realize now how much time I frittered away when I was that SAHM ! Oh my - time wasted!!!!

I need to make changes and I don't feel like I know how to or what to change. I feel like it is ONE more "to do" on my list. So making changes for the better has now become one more thing I have to squeeze in, that I won't and that I'll feel guilty and inadequate for not doing.

Do you see a pattern?

This is the life of a Full Time Working Mother.

I can be the poster child.......not in a positive sense.

So you have now become my outlet, oh Blogspot, you. My therapist. My much cheaper therapist.

Wish me luck.