Bye-Bye 2010....Happy New Year

Well, the end of the year is at hand.
As always, it brings up nostalgic thoughts. Assessments. Decisions. Planning.
I can't say I'm not happy to see 2010 go BUT at the same time, it means my babies are another year older that I don't want to accept and I don't want to look forward to Kindergarten for my youngest and the loss of those stay-at-home, play-with-your-little-ones years. That's a very sad part for me and I yearn for it already.
Ok...moving on! I will very soon be bawling if I don't move on.

2010 brought us:
-move from Tiger cub scout to Wolf cub scout
-5 day per week preschool
-Matthew's loss of training wheels
-Patrick's first bike
-our lowest point economically to date
-I taught my firsts VBS
-our family's road trip to D.C.
-I began first job in 8 years
-couponing entered our lives!
-closer to God
-I taught my first baptism class
-began a Family Ministry at church
-Led a book discussion group for parents at school
-substituted for the first time!
-grew closer with my husband
-became experienced campers

What will 2011 bring?
Here are my hopes:
-Matthew will learn to tie his shoes
-Matthew's 1st reconciliation & 1st holy communion
-regular confession for 3 out of 4 in our family
-Lenten celebration for the Family Ministry & an even better Advent celebration
-Job/salary shift in the UP position for me at school!
-regular work for hubby
-continued downsizing of "things" in our lives (presents, importance placed on things, etc.)
-financial improvement/security
-good health
-a handle on household cleaning, organizing, decluttering
-improved planning for holidays/birthdays/celebrations
-more crafting/sewing
-improved skills at work
-improved patience & skills as a parent
-marriage encounter
-better meal planning/cooking ahead

God please grant us peace, patience, guidance, understanding throughout this upcoming year. Please bless us with health, safety & please help us make enough money to pay our bills, stay in our home & remain at our school. Please help us keep you in the center of our home & family at all times. May all the angels, saints & our dearly departed please pray for us. Amen.

Life Lesson #5

Life Lesson #5

Time is a gift.
Use it or lose it, but it's a gift with an expiration date.
If I spend all my time in a hurried frenzy trying to achieve some ridiculous ideal or recapture something I used to do (or be....or look like), then that gift of time is going to be expiring sitting on the shelf.
The gift of time is right now. this moment. today. this Christmas. this weekend. this vacation. this year. It's all of it.
Working for a school I get the 2 weeks of Christmas vacation off, just like my kids.
I spent the first week of that vacation shuffling crap from one room to another, cleaning, overthinking, worrying about cards to mail, gifts to buy, money to budget, wrapping, errands, hustling about. I wasted. I lost. I missed that whole week. I didn't do the things I had really wanted to do.
What an idiot.
I made the most common blunder of all.
Not seeing the forest through the trees.
I was so busy doing what I thought was preparing for the season that I missed that whole week OF the season.
Now I'm kicking myself & licking my wounds.

Time is a gift.
Don't forget it.
That's my Life Lesson this week.
Time is a gift

Lesson #4......and Thanksgiving

Life Lesson #4 (it's been a while since I posted #3, hasn't it?). Hmmm, maybe I'm actually listing to lesson #3 about being one person, huh? Can only get so much done.

Anyway, back to Lesson #4.

I love my family.

Yes, that's it. That's the lesson. What? Crazy lady didn't already KNOW she loved her family? Well of course I did, silly.

But hear me out.

I love my family. True, honest-to-goodness, wholeheartedly love them.
The whole kit and kaboodle: husband and children.

I need to show it in more ways.
We say plenty of "I love you's" around here. More than most people, I'd wager.
We hug. We hold hands. We mean it - really we do.
But I remember reading once that different personality types actually perceive love through different actions and give love in different methods.
I say it. I fuss over those I love. I worry. I fret. I tend to them. I cook, create, prepare things, do things with love that I think they will perceive as love.
I realize now, they may not.
Oh I have no question that my family knows I love them. But I want to reach outside my comfort zone and do things differently to strengthen those bonds....especially with my boys.
I want them to think back with love & fond memories on their childhood vs. thinking "Mom was always worrying & fussing over us".
So my lesson for today is: I love my family and I want to savor every moment with them and show them my love in a million ways, but especially in the ways that will mean the most to them.

I suppose Thanksgiving brought this all on.
And coming to the close of a year of particular growth and challenge.
Time goes too fast. I don't want regrets...especially where it comes to my family

Lesson #3

Lesson #3

I am only one person. Period.

I cannot be all things to all people.

Something has got to go. I cannot maintain sanity & continue trying to meet all the expectations (including mine).

I am only one person. End of story.

Lesson #2...

Life Lesson #2

Stuff is not love.
Stuff is just stuff.
That "to-die-for" new comforter, bowl, Very Bradley purse, sweater, bracelet, etc. is not going to fill the hole you have inside.
Only love can do that.
"Stuff" blocks the hole from being filled.....it's not even a band-aid, it's like putting mayonnaise on a cut. Sure, it might keep the dirt out of the cut for a little while, but it's not going to heal it & most likely you are going to get an infection on top of it.

Stuff is not love.
Stuff is just....stuff.

A part of me does miss the days when I felt free to buy what I wanted when I wanted it. But to be honest, being on a tight financial leash "frees" me in other ways. It frees me from the clutches of "stuff".
I have to really, REALLY want, need & justify buying "stuff" since money is so tight.
I have to justify....do I need that enough to give up something else?
And "what" else am I going to give up?

Stuff is not love.
Stuff is just stuff.

Life Lessons...............Lesson #1

These are lessons for ME. If they help you, well that's great. But this is me, learning life lessons ;)

Lesson #1

Things are pretty much going to stay where I put them. So how about making an effort to put them either A.) where they belong or B.) in a sensible place. It doesn't have to be a big deal. But let's face it. I'm never going to have "more time" or "extra time" - that's a big lie. So let's try to make a tiny bit more effort, k?

I have walked over 3 nerf guns (given to my boys by a good friend whose own kids have outgrown them)for 3-4 months. I am not kidding. They have been laying on the floor in the laundry room - which is the kind that you come in from the garage through and it's our primary entrance into our house. Do you know how ridiculous it is that we've all just allowed the walkway to be cut in half due to the nerf guns laying there? Isn't that insane? Well no more. I am finally learning my life lesson.

Real

I am being real.

Really, really real.

I am exhausted. I feel like I'm constantly failing my job as a Mom/Wife.
I feel like I'm not as gracious or grateful as I should be at work.

I feel like I'm always 3 steps away from tears falling.

I feel like I'm letting someone down. Always. Often God. A lot of times me too.

I feel the need to make excuses for my messy and dirty house. The excuses often involve lies.

I feel frustrated when my husband wants a little "us" time......it's one more thing I'm expected to do and I'm already behind in 90% of what is expected of me.

I feel resentful that no one else in my house (i.e., my husband) is doing all that much to clean, pick up, take care of bills, errands and am left scratching my head at how it became all my responsibility and why I continue to allow it to be and why I harbor such guilt about NOT getting it done.

I feel like a hypocrite because I'm not taking the time I desperately need to pray, give thanks, accept things with grace or work on my relationship with God.

I am short-tempered, impatient, allowing words to leave my mouth without thinking.

I feel fat even though I've lost almost 40 lbs this year. I know that's my self esteem showing.

I miss my friends and just hanging out with them when I was a SAHM.

I realize now how much time I frittered away when I was that SAHM ! Oh my - time wasted!!!!

I need to make changes and I don't feel like I know how to or what to change. I feel like it is ONE more "to do" on my list. So making changes for the better has now become one more thing I have to squeeze in, that I won't and that I'll feel guilty and inadequate for not doing.

Do you see a pattern?

This is the life of a Full Time Working Mother.

I can be the poster child.......not in a positive sense.

So you have now become my outlet, oh Blogspot, you. My therapist. My much cheaper therapist.

Wish me luck.